thesickness

Moving on...

2009-01-25T21:52:00.002+08:00

I have moved on! The new site is http://www.myfinallegacy.wordpress.com. Hehe.

Goodbye cruel world, I'm leaving you today. Will miss Blogger.

With love, this shalt be my final post.

Book of Ecclesiastes

2009-01-25T20:28:00.003+08:00

As I read through the book of Ecclesiastes... I'm amazed at how God spoke into my heart... I am amazed at how King Solomon was a man after my own heart. As you read through this post, there might be things that you won't understand, I don't expect you to, somethings I say might appear stumbling, but if you look hard enough into it, you will be able to comprehend what I mean.

Life is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. So what if we study so much, achieve a promising career, prosper so much in life, become someone famous, but has yet to enjoy life? It is meaningless. So what if we have a long life, with many friends around us, with plenty of activities and events to attend, but when we die, no one remembers us. It is meaningless.

For the work of Man is meaningless. Everything that is done is already known. Everything that has yet to be done is already known. For the work of God surpasses that of Man. For the wisdom of God surpasses that of Man. Everything is meaningless.

What is meaningful then? Joy. True joy in doing the works of God. True joy is finding joy in doing what we feel like doing. True joy cannot be found easily, but yet it can easily be found if we start doing what we feel is right.

Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure. [Ecclesiastes 7:3-4]

2009-01-25T14:49:00.002+08:00

I don't know what to do, and I feel bad about it. It was my fault, isn't it.

Dead to the World

2009-01-24T02:19:00.001+08:00

Would you kindly?

All dried up, and tied up forever, all ______ up and dead to the world...

Dead to the World

2009-01-17T23:24:00.004+08:00

Take your time to read through my thoughts... There's slightly over 700 words of thoughts, if you have no intention to read every single word and comprehending them, don't bother reading at all.

It is intriguing how certain things happen, and the flow of events that soon follows after. There is no doubt that someone must be behind all these coincidences, and that can be none other than God. Why is it that certain things, that we try our very best to prevent, still happens? Is it because we are trying to prevent it through human efforts or because it is suppose to happen in God's plan? There is no certainty, but then again, trust is the key to deliverance. If everything were to go according to the way you want it to, now then, how interesting would life get? We need troubles and turmoils in our life to help us appreciate God's deliverance and love more, imagine this, a life without troubles... Do you think you still need God?

Complacency, that is one trap that Satan plants all of us in. We get too complacent with our lives that moving on seems like far too much a hassle. You might not have noticed it, but apparently you are already being complacent. Problems, big or small, they are meant to test us, our reliance on God. Do you just go, "aww c'mon, I've been through this already, I know how to handle it..." or do you go "God, help me out with this, I'm gonna go through it all with you.". Think about it. Everyone tends to get complacent, conscious or oblivious to it, we all do. And, unless you can tell yourself that you're going to rely on God all the way, and seeking His counsel, not that of Man, then can you assure yourself that you're on the right track.

Now, what is right and what is wrong? We can never judge for ourselves, one thing we can all agree on is that we only feel what is right and wrong. Feelings, they are volatile. They can betray us, or bring about joy. Why do I say that we only feel instead of knowing? Well, we feel that things are right because they do not go against our moral conscience. Things like killing, murder, stealing, all these are against the law, and a majority of us know that it is wrong. Well then, if you have been brought up in a family where stealing happens occasionally, killing is a norm, tell me then, would all these seem like wrongness to you?

One thing we can all be certain is that, the Word of God is our the only thing that can guarantee that we are walking right in the eyes of God and Man. But then again, do you really want to live a life that is based upon the expectations of Man? What if one day, no one says words of affirmation to you, will you still be doing everything for God? Words of affirmation from Man is a like a bonus from God, ultimately, you just want to do what is right in the eyes of God. I can assure you that a praise from God about your actions is better sounding than all that of your friends. And also, God is the one who can perceive what is right or wrong, He is ultimately the Judge.

And then again, how can we judge people? How can we say, that this person is ready? Do we even counsel God or we just appoint people as and when we feel like it? And how can we all just assume that a person is not ready just because the person is affected by certain problems? I tell you what I know. If God calls upon someone, NOTHING CAN STOP THAT PERSON. I don't care about all your judgments and assumptions, I live for God and God alone, so what if you don't think that way? Some people should wake up before they rant at others. Secrecy and avoidance, I had enough of it.

Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. [Matthew 6:1]

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. [Proverbs 3:5]

2009-01-17T01:16:00.001+08:00

Multitudes of villainies do swarm upon him...

BLUR.

2009-01-14T00:26:00.001+08:00

Your silliness I laugh at, your failed attempts I mock.

Hmm, what a day. I would like to...

Pourquoi l'ennui traduisant quelque chose que n'est pas la valeur votre espèce de temps?

My... Rants....

2009-01-11T21:02:00.008+08:00

Instead of, "when you're down, just do something else?", why not "why are you feeling down?"
Instead of talking to people through online means, or sms, why not speak to the person face to face?
Instead of just talking to the person when you feel like you have to, because of responsibility issues or what not, why not just be friends with the person?

What's with all the secrecy and avoidance? Afraid?

Ask yourself this, why are you doing what you're doing? I wish to be nice to you people, but my tolerance has its limits as well, if things keep going the way no one likes, I'm going to have to intervene. Stop telling me what to do, but, relate with me before you even try to correct me.

Bloody pea-brains, do not expect everything to be so simple, if things were meant to be simple, there would be no need for counselors, psychologists and the world would have been so much a better place. There would be no need for law enforcement. It all began at the very day when Adam and Eve, fall short of the perfection of God.

Blame yourself for your immaturity, blame yourself for your lack of ability to comprehend something so obvious, blame yourself for not trying to find out more about the person, blame yourself for your inadequacy. YOU CAN'T BLAME ANYONE ELSE, NOT EVEN GOD.

I had enough of all these jargon... I believe what I'm saying here is obvious enough, if you think I'm against certain people and you feel like I'm targeting you, well, DO SOMETHING THEN, I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY.

Rebels without a cause...

2009-01-11T16:14:00.001+08:00

What's with all the secrecy and avoidance.

2009-01-07T06:58:00.002+08:00

Could it be true? That he never left my side? It has already been so long. Always behind my back, influencing my thoughts, taking control of me, controlling my every action like a puppet? I pray that this is not true. Right now, I feel Satan's clutch. Something is going on, but God knows what.

Just when I said, facing your inner demons.

2009-01-07T02:02:00.004+08:00

You there! Yes you, no not you, YOU. Stop looking around, yes YOU. No, no, no, not you! But you! I am POINTING at you, quit looking back, YES YOU.

Gotcha. Lovely catch.

And, sometimes people need to know when to SHUT UP, and realize that there is no BENEFITS to knowing certain things or saying out certain things to certain people. SHUT UP and OBSERVE. OBSERVE and ANALYZE. ANALYZE and keep your THOUGHTS to yourself. The world would be a happier place. If you can't even keep certain THOUGHTS to YOURSELF, how do you EXPECT people to TRUST you? They have their own reasons why they prefer not to say it out, RESPECT their privacy. They will say it out in their own TIMING.

Peace out.

2009-01-06T02:25:00.002+08:00

Close your eyes and listen to the inner tranquility... And things will seem far louder, and far clearer. Our eyes, they are the windows to the world, yet bound to distract our frail mind. Close your eyes and things will come to you. Close your eyes and visualize, visualize everything that comes to your mind, past, present and future. Analyze.

The mind is a wonderful playground. There are some who of course do not want me to speak, even as of now, orders are being shouted across the interlink, men armed with weapons are preparing themselves for me. To know what terror really means, you have to release your own inner demons from time to time.

Suppression is never good for the soul and affects the body. Let go and let God. Easy.

What a damned day I had.

I love my blog

2009-01-05T01:19:00.002+08:00

Before anyone of you even say anything about my thoughts, telling me what I should post and what I should not, this goes all out to you.

This is my blog, and these are my thoughts, they belong to me, no one else.
I have the FREEWILL to say whatever I want here, and I am willing to accept whatever consequences there is to come. But then again, if you doubt my thoughts, that is just too bad for you.

And, if the thought of ever taking down any of my THOUGHTS, which is basically what I type here, has ever came across your mind, you're doing it against my WILL. Talk to me about it, even before you even RIP something. PLAGIARISM, INTEGRITY.

Oh, and, I don't need to be oh so, pretentious that I need to type CERTAIN stuff to make people think of me CERTAIN way. I am what I am, and I choose to be what I am. There is absolutely no need for me to be another person when it comes to typing out my thoughts.

To you cocky pretentious people out there. Appreciate my thoughts, and respect me for who I am. Bloody hell.

2009-01-02T00:40:00.004+08:00

Emotions. They belong to us, we should not be controlled by them. But then again, are you just going to suppress them? Cry your lungs out, cry your heart out. Cry out to God, vent all your emotions on Him. He understands, He can relate, and He loves us...

Are you really sure all you need is God? Is that what you think, or is that what you want others to think? Self-reflection time. Tame that mind of yours, subconsciously you are building barriers in yourself.

Dead to the World as I know it. Throw at me with everything you have, but God is with me.

Is this what you wanted?
This is what you get.
Turned all your lives into this shit.
You never accepted or treated me fair
blame me for what I believe
and I wear.

-King Kill 33 by Marilyn Manson

Dead to the World

2009-01-01T22:29:00.004+08:00

What a splendid way to start off the year...

We promise someone, and only to break our promise later. How far do you think people can trust you if you cannot even keep a simple secret? In all due respect, it is common courtesy to at the very least, acknowledge that you should not be telling it to anyone else, unless that person say it is alright to do so.

To think that I trusted you; that would probably be the line that resonates deeply in the person's mind right now.
How could you; You are to blame for everything.
It is for the better of us; That is probably what you're thinking.
Give me a BREAK; That is what the person really wants.

But then again, sometimes we demand an answer from someone so much that, we forget about their feelings. We forget that it takes time for people to open up their hearts and to pour out their thoughts. We forget the very reason why we want to know more about the person. Is it because you have to, or is it because you want to. We force them into submission, making it feel as if we are interrogating them. They get irritated, and they feel uneasy. GIVE THEM A BREAK.

Time. In time to come, something big is going to happen, that will put the very foundations to the test. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

:)

2008-12-29T00:37:00.000+08:00

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'cause i want to be the minority

-Minority, by Green Day

I love this song.

Dead to the World

2008-12-28T23:47:00.003+08:00

I walk a lonely, the only one that I have ever known
Are we the waiting?

It appears that I have not been regularly updating my blog recently. I'm curious, how many people actually read through thoroughly what I say...?

Today. 28th December, 3 more days before the start of a new year. A new year ahead, and yet, how many of us had already planned about what to do in the new year? I would imagine, hardly anyone, lest of course, you are one of those diehard plan-nerds.

I don't know why, but I guess, I haven't really been thinking much lately, and thus, it feels as if my posts are so, in lack of details and what not. But here is something I thought of today.

How many of us actually notice what is just in front of us? Take this time to think about this. Sometimes, the answer we are looking for is just before us, and yet we think and dwell so much on it, only to find ourselves going round and round but never diving into the problem itself. Sometimes, instead of dealing with the situation before it worsens, we avoid it and treat it as though it was nothing. Well, I guess its high time we deal with the skeletons in the closet and pull out all the thorns of our dirty past. Let go and let God, don't get used to the situation, overcome it. Bit by bit, step by step.

But then again...

Dead to the world

2008-12-28T01:56:00.004+08:00

The self-centeredness of this generation, filled with filthy people, carnal nature.

What about the promise we made to one another. What about it, when people say forever. It seems more like, for now. Best friends forever, or maybe, I should say, best friends so long as we still keep in contact or see each other.

Sometimes, take a moment to think through how the other party might feel, think even before you act out in a certain way. And do not hide things from one another. We all understand each other perfectly, because we are all imperfect. I like the sound of that, the irony.

And like I said, if you are looking for the guilty, you only have to find the man in the mirror.

The perversion of the mind.

2008-12-26T01:56:00.003+08:00

Best Christmas ever, for in this year, I received the best gift ever, first time in my life. Mwahaha.

Vous aime France?

And so, the journey continues on. God be my witness.

2008-12-22T23:54:00.003+08:00

Just felt like saying this all of a sudden. To remind the people of something.

We're oft' to blame, for our busy life, that we neglect the one who loves us so much. God's love is so so great, that He loves us so much, and yet expect nothing in return. Well I guess that is a really noble thing to do, to sacrifice all that you have for someone, to love someone without expecting anything in return. God gave us His one and only son, to die on the cross to pay the price of our sin, and loved us even before we were born, patiently waiting for us to love Him in return.

The greatest love that anyone could ever know.

Take sometime off your daily schedule, to really come before the presence of the Lord, forgetting about the world, uphold your burdens and troubles unto the Lord, bask yourself in the presence of the Lord and just enjoy His warm embrace. There is no one else who could relate to you so well in this world. For He is our Father, our Lord, our Savior and our friend. Remember why He died for you, remember how He carried you in His arms in times of trouble. Remember the days when you were down, that He was there to life you up. Remember the days that you forgot about Him, because you were enjoying yourself, but yet He was waiting for you patiently.

Love is patient, love is kind. God is patient, God is kind.

God is Love.

2008-12-22T01:33:00.002+08:00

There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face.

There is no certainty, only opportunity.

2008-12-16T00:08:00.003+08:00

"Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be?" - V, from V for Vendetta

Money is what causes the best relationship to fail, the most sound of people to suddenly lose their mind, the most happiest of people to feel sad. Money is the root of all evil. Where once we shared whatever we had, we now have to have a medium to purchase what we want.

Money is the issue with my family right now, and it makes me sad.

Why can't we say certain stuff?

My... THOUGHTS.

2008-12-14T22:22:00.003+08:00

I wanna live, I wanna love, but it's a long hard road out of hell.

Surprise surprise, life is filled with surprises. Awkward ones, silly ones, outrageous ones, you name it, life's got it. And apparently today's surprise was great, even though it was not that surprising after all... Thanks to Engit 4, you people made my day. Really appreciate the time spent together, even though it was not very long, but apparently, we just enjoyed the whole thing, didn't we?

And yea, something seriously is not right about how certain things take place. It's like, people are lazy to think in depth anymore. Stereotyping, judging, does God really want us to do something like this? It never will work out right if you just force your concepts of how you view and feel about certain things into people's mind you know. And obviously enough, there is no such thing as all people are the same. Two people might be sad, because someone close to them passed away, but the way they perceive and deal with this sadness, the degree of this sadness, is entirely different. So much about the fact that each and everyone is unique. Both person A and B might have lost their wallets, but the factors that contribute to this loss is different.

Consider the factors of what caused this person to be feeling this way, instead of correcting the person. That is what I want to say. You got to put yourself in that person's shoes, get to know why he would feel this way, and what caused him to feel this way, before you can come up with a reasonable solution as to how he should deal with the problem.

Scenario 1: This person is feeling sad, I wonder what caused him to feel this way, let me look into it.

Scenario 2: This person is feeling sad, why should he even be? Someone please tell him he shouldn't let his emotions control him.

Apparently this generation of people is not thinking enough. Reliance on thinking about what you can see on the surface is not enough, you got to look at the problem from the root of the problem itself.

Oh, I'm not angry, just intrigued by why you would think of me this way. Because I used to feel this way? That's why you think I am feeling that way right now? Come on, I've already gotten over it, there's no way I'll let myself be affected by something as stupid as this. Once bitten, twice shy you know. Focusing on God is what I am more interested in, not just some title which are obviously temporal. A change needs to occur, and I'm going to change myself. There is no such thing as a right timing, only the right time. How would you even know that it is the right timing? It is not through your views and feelings then would it be your so called, right timing, but obviously through God's eyes. Think, think and think. If you don't think, you'll just make a fool out of yourself. If you're lazy to think, you probably would not be able to do much. Why not just take at least 5 bloody minutes about why certain things happen, instead of making your own stand and correcting the actions?

And speaking about thinking, apparently us thinkers are like scums of the society, the outcasts, the rejected. Why would I say so? Because we get affected by emotions too much that's what they say. But apparently no one really bother to look into the issue that much. They just follow a rigid system.

2008-12-13T09:52:00.003+08:00

This is for you;

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. [1 Thessalonians 5:16-18]

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. [Philippians 4:13]

No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you. [Joshua 1:5]

The dramatic irony of life, doing something you like, yet regretting your own actions later. Life is never fair to us, it never is, it never was and it never will be. But, at least we could be fair to ourselves, we all need a break from things sometimes.

Life is like a brief candle.
Out, out brief candle.

It is going to take me a while to get used to.

2008-12-04T03:04:00.002+08:00

It is only when you still your heart, shut your ears and, close your eyes and focus on the inner quietness, then will the world speak louder to you.

Can you hear it? The cries from the hearts of the people, their longing for something permanent in their lives. The need, the desire to find the one, true love. The love of God.

Ironic isn't it, that in quietness, things become much more obvious, much more significant.

Taming the mind,
for the mind is a wonderful tool.

Tainted mind, warped thoughts.

And there were times when I wonder why I've lost my inspiration. Then God told me, inspiration from Man is only temporal. Try figuring out the other half He told me.

Because my Daddy said; "Never will I leave you, nor forsake you..."

2008-12-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

What a day. So today, I woke up, crawled out of the bed, staggered to the washroom, showered, and finally got dressed up and ready to go to school, only to realize that I am going to be late, again. Well, at least I made it in time within the 15 minutes of grace. I've been late for 1 month already. Win.

And guess what? School today was a BLAST. Had lab from 9 till 11 am, and a booooring lecture till 12. Well, at least my classmates took me to Seoul Garden. Yum~ Enough about food. But SERIOUSLY. 6pm was supposedly my Japanese lecture, and GUESS WHAT. There was such an overwhelming response from those losers suddenly that the entire lecture hall was flooded. No one could get in anymore. Boohoohoo. Wasted 6 hours. Could have used it on something else... Sheesh.

Anyways, thank God for the people who celebrated my birthday today~ Doesn't matter if you don't come with gifts or an extremely powerful speech, it really doesn't matter. It's about the time spent people. Time. TIME. So yea, firstly, my kind of presents I would want would be from anothere galaxy or something, or just way to rare to find on Earth. Secondly, I would most probably be busy correcting what you say to me in my mind, then listening. JUST KIDDING. Really appreciate those words that you people say to me and a huge THANKS to all those people whom wished me birthday, via sms or email. Love you people. Really. From the bottom of my heart. Really.

Oh before I forget, THANKS TO NICHOLAS SEAH XIN RUI for telling me that today is World Aids Day. Like so whatever~ Nicholas, you don't know one la. *Big Smile*

And yea, where was I... Oh yea time. Well, it seems that time isn't on my side recently but hey, time spent with people form my family was really really great. Sometimes, I wish I could just sit there forever~

You know what, God reminded me of something today. It's kinda touching for me. Well, guess what? Man cannot be there for you all the time. Man fails. God is eternal and He is always there for you, even when it's like 4 in the morning or even when everyone else is busy, God is always there. And I kinda love the feeling that, even though I can't hug a person forever, I really appreciate that I get to hug my bolster for all night long, well whatever. I get to be in God's embrace for eternity. Compared to the scale of the universe, I am so insignificant, but yet, God's eyes are still fixed on me, you, and everyone else, except a few bad ones maybe, yes you, stop looking around, yes I'm pointing at you.

Okay then, I'm off to the Realm of Delusions, Mystery, Adventure and just about any bombastic words you can come up with. Well that's a pretty nice name for a dreamland. Alright, till then my beloved blog readers.

Goodnight.

2008-11-30T03:14:00.004+08:00

It could be my only regret, for now

Ladies and gentlemen, please take the time to really read through what I have to say here, these really are my thoughts, so I hope you would appreciate it!

All things on this world, be it good or bad, will come to an end eventually. It doesn't matter if you like it or not, it still will eventually happen. Life, love, work, friends, family, sorrows, bitterness, dreams, these will all come to an end. You know why? Because, they are not eternal. But what is then? God is. The God of Abraham, the God of Moses, the God of Paul, it is all the same magnificent, eternal God. Circumstances come and go, but God remains the same.

Why not let us all, just sacrifice this little part of our lives, and devote ourselves to God? Why not let us all focus on the eternal, instead of having your feelings attached to temporal things? Why not let us all give God this chance, to do something great in our lives? Why not this little sacrifice? You know friends, God sacrificed His one and only son, to save this wretched humanity, and what do we do? We forsake Him time and time again, and He still waits for us again and again. Why must we make the sacrifice then? Because... If you are too attached to the temporal world, or what I would call the imperfect world, you would ultimately miss out on the blessings of God, His grace, His love, His perfect plan, and His rewards for you in Heaven.

In order for God to become greater in our lives, we must be lesser. We must give away all the things we hold dear, let go and let God. And when you stand in front of Jesus, and He hands over the key to Heaven's door to you, you look back and you can tell yourself comfortably, that hey, those little sacrifices didn't turn out to be that bad after all. Imagine yourself, standing in front of Jesus, and He shakes His head and says, "I don't know this person". Deny God for this imperfect world and God will deny you when all else ends and His kingdom come.

You are the God of all my dreams, I'll follow you and everything
I have is Yours, it's Yours
I'm living life for You and my world will never be the same

And so, a little sacrifice goes a long way. For the better of our walk with God, for the better of the people around us, for the better of this humanity.

God's love is patient
God's love is kind
He does not envy, He shares our joy
He does not boast, He lends us His strength
He is not proud, He loves us eternally

If at any given point of time, you feel like you lost something in your life and it makes you feel uneasy, speak to God and say "God, help me feel that I lost it for You, help me rely on You even more now that I lost it"

Right now I have so much problems and obstacles, but so what? My God is bigger than my problems, and my obstacles. He is my refuge and shelter, He is my father, He is my hope. I choose to focus on God, and my perspective is that God is greater than my problems, instead of focusing on my problems, and thinking that they are eternal.

If you bothered to read what I had said till this far, know that it is very much appreciated. And I hope it made some sense in you, and maybe changed your perspective. And really, thank you for reading.

A little angel took the time to say all these to me, and yet...

21h29, neuf novembre, dimanche, l'anniversaire.

2008-11-24T00:27:00.002+08:00

Man I want this game!!! Guess I'll have to save up for it. But I sure hope I can get the Collector's Edition. Hehe.

Just in case you guys start to wonder, my current blog song is the theme song for Fallout 3. So, yea. :) I don't want to set the world on fire~

2008-11-23T05:30:00.003+08:00

How could I possibly live on with You?

Somehow it feels as if I'm missing something, it's like, oh, never mind. Thank God for being such a wonderful listener and constant companion. I like the idea that I might die tomorrow, for crying out loud, who would actually care, right?

Okay, maybe I should stop thinking about it, but so what? It isn't a feeling you know, I've been thinking about it for a long while already. But... If I were to die, I will regret because there is something that I really want to do, but if I don't die, I'll just keep wondering when will I be able to do it. Ironic isn't it?

God, give me a solution.

2008-11-20T00:56:00.002+08:00

Looking back now at my past, I see a set of footprints in the sand, not mine but that of God's. Carrying me in His powerful arms through my troubles and nightmares, delivering me from all my fears and obstacles. To think about it, it wasn't by my own effort that I am where I am now, but by His grace.

We love this family of God~

2008-11-19T00:51:00.002+08:00

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
- Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley

Thoughts. Man I love this word.

You know... Sometimes, it makes me wonder why people cannot get far in what they are doing. It makes me wonder why they would want to give up, not wanting to persevere on anymore. And, I'm always trying to figure out what went wrong. Disappointment? Not wanting to commit on anymore? Fear?

I am not sure if I have said this before, but, I dare say that this time round, I'm looking at problems from a different perspective. Couple of days ago, I made the statement that no one actually bothers to read what I write, well, I guess, I'll just type along, just because I like to. But before I go on any further, I'll just like to say this, to all those people who actually bother to read what I took effort to write, you have my sincerest gratitude and appreciation. C'mon let's be honest, which writer would not want his work to be appreciated?

So, let's get started. Circumstances. They can be good or bad, but it is always how you look at them that determines the factor for you. If you were to look at the problem itself, you'll start to whine, and complain about how tough it is and eventually, get nothing done, gives up and become emotional for awhile. Well, if you were to look at problems through the eyes of God, everything would be different.

Someone told me this before, "Hey boy, as you're going down the spiral of problems, don' forget to look up to God, who's watching over you!" Now that's the key! Never ever fail to look up to God whenever situations turn sour or when you just feel like giving up! Strange, as I'm typing this out, I'm kinda feeling a little sad, almost like I want to cry. Still your heart and you can hear God shouting out to you, "My child! Hold my hand! I'll be with you through whatever thick and thin, but the choice is yours to make!"

Just so because He said, that never will He leave us, nor forsake us. My personal prayer to God would be;

'Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You
- Always by Hillsong United

And now when I look at my problems, I just wanna look to God and shout, "How great is our God!". God is greater than my fears, my problems, my desires, my thoughts, my wisdom, my strengths, my weaknesses. God is greater than me! God is a God of infinity.

And I am reminded of Joshua 1:9;

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go" [Joshua 1:9]

Man I want God to use me more! I want to do so much for God!

2008-11-18T02:00:00.002+08:00

If only...

You know, I've been thinking about this for some time. I'm bored of waiting, actually, so yea. If it is supposed to happen, I know it will. So to hell with it. Haha.

Let's move on to doing something else already, I really grow sick of doing the same thing over and over again, isn't it about time you guys do something else? SHEESH. Stop grinding the same damn thing over and over again, let's play another map or something already. I want something new.

Really.

Who else is better to trust other than God? Hey Daddy, hold my hand and bring me up the way You wanted me to.

2008-11-16T15:24:00.002+08:00

TLDR. TOO LONG, DIDN'T READ.

Sometimes, no... I should say, often times, far too often... That I post something, and get the feeling that the majority of people just scan through what I took effort to type and just go, too long, didn't read.

I feel that, even my English teacher is more appreciative of my work, that at least she bothers to read through to grade it.

But who cares? I love typing. I love writing. I love Literature. So even if no one reads, I'll just type whatever crap comes to my mind. Don't we all just love this rotten world.

2008-11-11T00:00:00.002+08:00

What hath I done to deserve such great love, that cometh from Almighty? 'Twas love that gave birth to me. How great is our God! To know the hair on this head of mine, even before I brought into this world.

Ask, Seek, Knock.
and it will be given to you. and you shall find. and the door shall be open to you.

Je aime vous beaucoup.

2008-11-09T22:31:00.002+08:00

Delivering me from my darkest hours,
Your grace alone had lifted me up.
Rain or shine You were there for me,
to hear my sorrows and share my joy.
Forever faithful is the Lord,
glory to Him, the Lord most high.

And the song goes on.

2008-11-07T20:33:00.002+08:00

There are times when, you realize, that disappointment could even come from those closest to you. There are times when you need someone to talk to, and all you find is four walls surrounding you. There are times when you are sad, and there is no one there to empathize with you. There are times when you need to rely on someone, but all they do is fail you. There are times when you feel so alone, and there is no one by your side to talk with you.

These are the times when you realize that, God is the best thing to rely on.

"Mom... School was tough today..." "You always complain, if only you had studied better!"
"Mom... School work is tough..." "All you do is play your games! When was the last time you actually revised your work?"
"Mom... Can I talk to you..." "Can't you see that I'm busy? All you do is annoy me"
"Mom I want to learn guitar..." "When was the last time you determined yourself to learn something?"

Mom! Why can't you say more encouraging things?! Why couldn't you have said things like...
"Oh? Have you tried asking around in class, or have you tried consulting your lecturers?"
"Let me finish with what I am doing here, I'll speak to you in a moment's time"
"Are you sure you really want to learn guitar? Think about it for a moment, and let me know, we don't want to go about wasting money you know"

Even in times like these... God is always there by my side. And God never discourages us. He speaks to me in times of need.
"Struggling with your work? Do your best and I'll do the rest"
"Feeling lonely? I'll keep you company"
"Feeling sad? Tell me what's wrong, I know how you feel"
"Need to talk to someone? Come on, I'm on all ears"

"Son, my dear son, no matter how other people might judge you, know that I am still proud of you, and despite what had happen and is going to happen, hold my hand and I'll bring you through, let me be the one to guide you for my ways are higher than yours. Whatever that is going to happen, know that never will I leave you, nor forsake you. I am your Father, and I know you from the inside out. Will you give me this chance to be in your life?"

2008-11-05T00:00:00.003+08:00

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder, treason and plot,
I know of no reason
Why the gunpowder, treason,
Should ever be forgot.

Today, marks the fifth of November, a day that is sadly forgotten.
And it is up to people, like me, to remind people of what this great citizen, Guy Fawkes, had done to change the face of this world. More than 400 years ago, this man, Guy Fawkes, on this very day itself in the year of 1605, he attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament in London. Which man, would do something as crazy as this?
Which man, would go to such extent?
Which man, would even think of something like this?
Guy Fawkes did.

In the name of a personal vendetta against the Houses of Parliament, and also his mindset to change the way the world is governed, this man, together with 800kg worth of explosives, went into the dungeons at that very night.

He knew that if he gets caught, he would be hanged till death. However, he also know that he may die, but an idea alone, can still change the world. And truth be told, look at what we have now and enjoy, democracy.

Sadly, this man is now forgotten by many people, but his idea is still in this world. Why not let's take this moment, to remind ourselves of how the world would be without democracy.
Alas, Guy Fawkes, you will be remembered.

2008-11-01T00:03:00.002+08:00

Happy Halloween everyone! Oh yea, 5 more days till the 5th of November! I'm am so excited, hehe. Curious on what is on the 5th of November? Haha, not going to tell you, unless you are interested in history.

So, hmm, let's talk about today. Err, school was kinda okay haha. Picked up more words during French tutorial but, err, Japanese lecture was kinda scary. NO THIS TIME IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF... her, but more of, the way the lecturer speaks is kinda, inter-resting. So yea.

God showed me a picture of a cross today. So I prayed to Him and asked what He was trying to say. And He said to me:

"To show my love for all my people, I have sent my one and only son to die on the cross for all my people's sin. By doing this, I have shown my love."

And I believe in my heart that what God is trying to say here is that, He had already shown us His love. What have we done to show our love back to Him? God's love is infinite and His grace is enough to see us through. But what have we done to show our appreciation? We still continue to sin. We still continue to indulge in worldly behavior. We still continue to be unforgiving and not accepting certain people. Let's reflect on this. Do we really love the Lord? If you do, how much of His commands have you obeyed? You see, doing more is never enough. God's power and sovereignty is infinite, and what we do can never surmount to what God has given unto us. Basically, we can never outdo God. Let's really encourage one another to love God more and help each other to follow through God's commandment to us.

Unconditional, vulnerable and enduring love to all people for God so loved the world and we as His disciples, shouldn't we follow His ways?

"We love because he first loved us" [1 John 4:19]

"If you love me, you will obey what I command" [John 14:15]

And for today's caregroup, one song that was my prayer to God was Through It All. In times like these, I really want God to bring me out of it. More faith, more trust, His timing.

2008-10-29T23:25:00.004+08:00

Japanese tutorial is scary. Because there is a scary girl. Thanks Kar Chun for your discouragement, yes, I am shy. Tell you what, I think I introduce her to you. ^_^
Sigh, just when I thought my course got no girls, now I get a scary one. Life is never fair. ^_^ But I shall cherish whatever I have now. OOPS, stumbling. But, who cares?

Wonderful shepherding today, I just love my shepherd. Baa~

Hey Desmond, I'm not sure if you will ever get to read this but hey man, will be praying for you mate. I really am shocked to hear the news too, you have my deepest sympathy. C201 will support you all the way. Remember one thing though, there is no point mourning over the dead.

2008-10-27T23:06:00.002+08:00

"God! I need you! Where are you? Why can't I hear you?"

Thanks to my desperate prayer to hear from God more, now I feel so different. All the while, I've been praying to God that He will speak to me, it's been a heck of a long time since I first made this prayer, seriously. The thing is, so many thoughts swim in my mind that it is nigh impossible for me to determine whether it is from God or from myself. And the thing about God is, He knows every single one of us from the inside out. God knows deep inside me, I'm always confused by my own thoughts, and He knows that I cannot trust my own thoughts/feelings, as much as I feel comfortable with them. So this Daddy of mine always never fail to send people to speak into my heart when situations are dire. So, this is actually a direct affirmation to all you people whom I know that God had sent you to speak to me. Even if you people don't feel it, sometimes don't we all feel that we are just helping out the other person, I guess that really is how God speaks.

One advice. God speaks in the least expected ways and the least expected times, but one thing for sure is that, you will definitely know it's coming from Him, our Big Daddy. I don't know, you might disagree with me, but I stand firm in my statement.^_^ Another thing to take note is that, God can speak to you from the least expected people as well. Well, don't we all sometimes go, hey, Person A said to me about this like weeks ago, why is it that it is makes such an impact right now when Person B is saying it to me? Aren't they both the same thing? Why wasn't I paying attention to Person A? You know, things happen for a reason. God has a plan for everyone us, plans to make us for:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." [Jeremiah 29:11]

So why not apologize to Person A for not taking his/her words more seriously at point of time and remember, don't condemn yourself for anything though because...

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. [Romans 8:1-2]

So yea, and also, something that I have learnt so far is that, often times, when we really want something from God, we should all just pray earnestly and wait patiently. For God's timing is always right. Sometimes, I feel that I'm typing out crap on this stupid blog of mine, but I hope it does serve as a reminder of God's grace to us for you people.

And one last thing to remind you pathetic mortals. Be like me you know, sometimes I keep praying for certain things. I pray for wisdom and knowledge, not that I do not have any, neither is it that I want even more. But really, I would rather trust in the Lord's guidance that leaning on my own understandings. So pray hard for the things you want! For the Lord says ...

'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.' [Jeremiah 33:3]

So anyways... Today was Amazing Food Race. And hell yea! 'Twas fun. Known plenty of different people and stuff but most importantly, the response was really good and I really hope that those people can come to know God soon too. But I fell and hurt myself today. Sprained my poor ankle and a gash on my elbow. Right now I can't walk too fast. Gonna take a while to recover. Hehe. To all you people out there who think I'm crazy, here's something that I want to say to you people, don't worry about me. I know what I am doing, so thanks for your concerns though, especially you, Kar Chun. I'm not crazy! I just love doing high risk stuff, haha! Soon, I'll be able to walk across a railing. Hehe. Err, don't be angry if I die though, I deserve it since I want to do something so dangerous.

I love parkour and parkour loves me!

l'art du deplacement

In Love?

2008-10-25T00:50:00.004+08:00

'We love because He first loved us.' [ 1 John 4:19]

This very verse, I came across it during caregroup's teaching just now. And... I was pondering it for a moment, so, dwelt on it and I was rather amazed at how this few words could have made such an impact on my thoughts.

The first question that came to my mind was, if God did not love us when He created us, would we still be able to love people? It got me thinking for awhile and it just goes to show how great is our God. I mean, look, it says here in the verse that we love because He first loved us, so, isn't it far too obvious to you people that, if God did not love us in the first place, we would not be able to love people around us? Confusing? Let me explain.

Okay, so, the four different types of love came into my mind, so let's look at them in detail:

Eros: Erotic love
This simply refers to the love you have between you and another person. Intimate and erotic love. Right here it's not really obvious. Because there are scientific explanations that goes to say that, we humans emit certain sexual pheromones that will attract others, that is, your potential mate. No, I'm not saying we're like animals, and I'm not saying that you'll attract more partners because you are good looking. What I am really saying here is that, we humans will exude certain kind of scent that is able to trigger some kinda hormones in the other person's body to make that person sexually attracted to you. There you go, bloody scientific theories... So anyways, since science says that these pheromones will attract your partners to you, it won't really be able to help me elaborate more on err, God's first love to us. Moving on~

Storge: Parental love
Now this one is even worse, I mean, your parents created you in a mishap. They got wild and decided to... Yea, you get the picture, don't you? So, in general, which parents would not love their child? Come on, majority of the parents in the world would go to great lengths to express their love for their children, because they created them, the children are their flesh and blood... and hardwork in one wild night, oops. So, all I can say here is, who wouldn't love their own creation? Next up we have...

Phileo: Brotherhood/sisterhood love
This is the interesting one, and I going to need alot of explanation to let you digest it all down in that pathetic brain of yours. Okay, here it goes. Now let's look at this. If you do not like the other person, would you approach the person to make friends with? So, if God did not first love us, what makes you think that you would accept other people? Can science explain how is it possible for two complete strangers, to come together to become BFF (Best Friends Forever)? Yea you can say things like, "oh she's likes to go shopping, so do I" or "damn he loves playing games as well" but, come on. It is acceptance that allows us to accept people to be friends with them. And, how would you go about accepting people? Ladies and gentlemen, the key is love. I mean, it's not totally like, you have to love that person then can you be friends with them. But it's more of like, there is a level of liking there, it's just that it is a kind of brotherhood/sisterhood love, not erotic love.
So here's the question again, if God didn't show Adam and Eve what love is by loving them in the first place, what makes you think that today, you know how to love?

Agape: God's love
Ah~ The perfect love. What more could be said? John 3:16 says it all. For those of you who need a quick recap, here you go:

'For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.' [John 3:16]

Got it? Good. Now, this verse clearly shows that God showed His love for us. So after all these bollocks, I dare say to you people that, if God did not first show us what love is all about, this world would be a cold and cruel place, where everyone is xenophobic (fear of people) and anti-social.

Now here's the question. So, our God had already shown His love to you, are you going to love Him back? How are you going to love Him back? What are the things that you can do to love Him back?

'If you love me, you will obey what I command' [John 14:15]

2008-10-21T23:35:00.002+08:00

Spore
8.0/10 - Gamespot

I'm looking forward to playing this great, not to mention unimaginably cute, game!

2008-10-21T13:02:00.003+08:00

So, yesterday was the first day of school... Yea, it was rather fun I suppose. Yea, the fact that I was bombarded with a heavy assignment early in the morning. But the encouraging thing was that, during OOPG lecture, Object Oriented Programming for short, I was able to comprehend the quick programming revision. Haha! Yea, by God's grace. And so, I started off my day right and therefore I felt blessed for the rest of the day.

Well, truth is, I went to school with a sunken heart, I feared that I was unable to survive this semester. And so, I went to school earlier to spend some time with God in my quiet time, and guess what, I prayed for God to speak to me, as usual, and as I was reading Joshua 1, God really encouraged me...

The phrase 'Be strong and courageous' is mentioned three times in this chapter! And we all know that when the bible repeats something more than once, it means that we must pay attention to it!

And at the start of the passage God reminded me once again that 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.' And also in verse 9;

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
[Joshua 1:9]

And what the men said in response to Joshua was amazing, I wish that I will have that attitude of theirs!

Then they answered Joshua, "Whatever you have commanded us we will do, and wherever you send us we will go. Just as we fully obeyed Moses, so we will obey you. Only may the LORD your God be with you as he was with Moses. Whoever rebels against your word and does not obey your words, whatever you may command them, will be put to death. Only be strong and courageous!
[Joshua 1:16-18]

I hope that this will help to cheer you people who dread school/SIP up a little bit! Be strong and courageous, not terrified, nor discouraged, for the Lord will always be with you, despite the dangers and obstacles ahead of you. Be strong and courageous! Know that if the Lord your God is with you, who can be against you! Be strong and courageous, for by God's grace you will be able to do many things, even though you may be weak.

Alright~ Have a blessed week ahead and may God bless you abundantly!

And yea, I've changed my blog song to something more relaxing, it's titled Zelda's Lullaby, it's a song from my favorite childhood game, Legend of Zelda. Hope you people enjoy it!

2008-10-20T03:08:00.001+08:00

How can i keep from singing Your praise?

Viva la fortunato ameagol!

2008-10-16T22:45:00.002+08:00

You know... They say... When you leave the wound unattended for far too long, never nursing it properly, it becomes a SCAR. Not only are the scars visible, they scar you emotionally as well. Whenever you look at it, it sends a trail of uneasiness down your spine and forces you to bring back the painful past.

Well, that's just what normally happens. My Lord, is so great, He puts a bandage over my scars and remind me time and time again of the countless blessings He had bestowed upon me.

A coin, simple object yet contains a profound symbolic meaning. There is always two sides of a coin, and sadly, most of us only look at one side and forget about the other. But my God is always capable of allowing me to slow down and start to analyze, and be able to properly see both sides of the coin.

Who's worthy of our praises? Who's worthy of our worship, our adoration? =)

Feelings, they belong to you. You want to submit to something that is imperfect? Or would you rather rely on someone who has far more wisdom than you?

2008-10-14T01:10:00.000+08:00

The mind is a wonderful playground. =)

2008-10-13T00:05:00.003+08:00

How beautiful is it not, to be a Christian, knowing that you have a Father who loves you so much, He sends His one and only son, Jesus Christ, to die a death to pay for your sins, just so that you do not need to suffer eternal separation from Him, in hell, but have eternity in heaven?

Even though some of us are not Christians, yet this Father loves all of us, His children, so much that He is still watching over us all the time. Think about the coincidences that had occurred in your life so far. Are they simply just coincidences, or are they part of something greater?

Some of us, God bless us so much that whatever we are doing prospers. Imagine living in a life without God. You would have no one to care for you, you won't have a family, you won't have all the things you have to enjoy with now, you would not even exist. God created you because He loves you.

Still think your life is miserable? Think again, pray about it. I'll teach you to pray if need be. Approach the nearest Christian you know of today. =)

2008-10-09T22:23:00.004+08:00

Was talking to some of my friends on MSN and was challenged to do this stupid quiz...

Give it a go too... (click it)

So... Here's my results... Sheesh...

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

Haha... Kinda true maybe? Learn to be myself... Nich, what are your views on this? HAHA.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Yep, I love Jesus, and I guess I'll do everything and anything to keep my love true. Because He loved me so much He died for me!

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

Err, yea, MAYBE...

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

SERIOUSLY... Sheesh..........................................................................

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

Haha! Unusual job? Suits my purposes... =)

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

Hehe, we'll see about this.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

Yea, probably. No comments on this.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

That is like so true. 11 out of 10. ANGER MANAGEMENT. WAAAGH!

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Aww~ So sweet...

Well, that pretty much sums up this QUIZ... I would love to do something like How Sadistic Are You kinda quizzes and maybe get to win attractive prizes like slaughtering your enemies in 1000 ways or something. =) Ahh, this just made my day.

2008-10-09T03:10:00.003+08:00

Running away from something. Turning to something else to seek some guidance from. Facing some inner demons with cowardice. Needs more courage. Reflecting upon my thoughts. Kicking emotions out of my life.

I've got everything to make a DAMN good novel. And guess what? I'm the star.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it's better to avoid certain contact right now. Even though it does not seem nice, but my guesses are that things will turn out just right when the time comes. Yea, I certainly hope so. I guess, its hard to let go.

Oh gosh~ What am I saying.

Strange eyes, inter-resting topics

Avoid a void

2008-10-07T22:37:00.005+08:00

Memories. Don't they always feel like yesterday? Don't they always feel so near yet so distant?

I'm thankful for the memories. For now, it's nigh time for me to let go and move on.

The King in the black limousine.

So near yet so far. Cherish every moment of this walk with God. Memories. I'd rather die for the good ones then be tormented by the bad ones. So, it's kiss goodbye to Mr. Satan and hello Jesus.

Sweet memories. Etched in deeply and resonates loudly.

Intoxicating...

2008-10-07T02:26:00.002+08:00

I just woke up. Yes, you heard what I said, I just woke up. Now my friends, that which I just said has double meanings. I went to bed at 7 just now, let's just call it, God put me to sleep and so He would speak to me in my dreams.

If you do not wish to read this chunk, you can skip ahead to the text below the line.

You know, I really envy those people who would go through toil and hardship for the sake of self discovery. And, it really is interesting that these people can come to a self realization that, they had been doing something really stupid and it is time to change.

I can't. I have to do things the hard way. I need to force out my inner demons in such a way that people start to wonder, what is he, then can I find out for myself, so that's the thing I need to change. Confusing?

Back to what I said just now. I probably just had one of the best dreams I could ever have for a long period of time. There was this man, seated in a somewhat comfortable looking seat at the end of a hallway. So, curious, I walked in his direction. He just looked at me with curiosity and I felt uneasy, and I asked who he is.

"Who am I? Why do you ask such a question when, you don't even know who you are? How about this, let me ask you that instead? Who are you?"

And without much hesitation, I answered him, I am a child of God. And he gave me a swift reply that made me ponder for a moment.

"Is that what you really is, or is that what you feel you are?"

Notice he did not use the word think? Feel. Feelings. This word just came into my mind. And I came to realize that I've been trusting my feelings for far too long, allowing them to lead me as they will, not even considering the consequences. I stood there, thinking through what he just said. Without even waiting for my reply, that man continued to speak to me.

"Look at yourself, carefully, what have you done to yourself. Look at all these negative thoughts and feelings that you had allow to fill up you. Once you had hatred, pain and vengeance. Now, you have emptiness, sadness and grief. Too much emotions. Think properly."

I guess what he said was true. And I must admit, I was rather astonished at what he said. Dumb struck, I just stood there motionless. And he started talking again.

"Still wondering who I am? I am the real you. The critical thinker, not some feeble emotional thinker."

Thoughts swim through my head. Then I woke up. Which is like, 30 minutes ago from now. Right now, I really want to thank God that what I just encountered was not with Him, if not, most probably I would think I'm dead. Okay, time to get serious.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emotions. They build you and destroy you. Feelings, they make you feel good but only, to betray you in the end. God, builds you up and never betrays you, that is, go back on His divine promise to you. Trust, trust your own feelings or someone greater? Like God?

I probably just went through 'enlightenment' and tonight is one of my best nights ever.

Adios.

2008-10-06T12:30:00.002+08:00

Woo~ This Thursday I'm having hot date with a navy ma'am! HAHA. Nope, going to Navy Centre for career presentation. Wish me luck!

Must reach by 9.30am, madness....

Hail to my future.

2008-10-03T01:57:00.004+08:00

Hey people. This is my FAVOURITE video from my FAVOURITE guitarist. =)
Man I love him and his tattoos.
Enjoy.
Oh and err, Glen, try playing like him HAHA. teech mE tu plae pl0x

2008-10-02T18:40:00.004+08:00

Lies and deceit seek truth and companionship.

That's how I feel about it. Poor and miserable lot. Haha. God save them.

Anyways, yesterday was Children Day. Yep, I celebrated it with myself in my lovely room with a bar of Cadbury chocolate. How can we ignore the kid in all of us? :) I love my Father in heaven.

2008-09-30T19:02:00.002+08:00

Jesus, I believe in you, and I would go, to the ends of the earth.

Question of the day: Dear Jesus, I would follow you gladly to the ends of the earth, but... Where is it actually? I thought the world was round...?

Funny? Or true, I leave it to that pathetic mind of yours to decide. Have you actually thought of it as, how far would you go to follow Jesus? Are you going to let what you can see determine how far you would go?

Funny how sometimes situations arise and we let our emotions get in the way. It seems its much easier for us to let our emotions guide our actions rather than God.

Lord who am I, compared to your glory.

Perhaps I need to walk by faith and not by sight. Gonna take a while to get used to... But, I'm willing to trust that in time, God will show me many great and wonderful things. As for now, I guess the word for me is ermm, MOVE ON. I'm like a saint to nowhere. Err, that means, currently I'm stuck in a situation and even though the door is there, I still don't want to move on towards it.

It is decided.

Present sufferings may pass
Lord, Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hands

Randomness ensues...

Okay I'm gonna say it. The dramatic irony of loving something and hating it at the same time. I love WAR for its beauty and immersible environment, but hate it for its current technical issues that really bothers me. 4 crashes in 2 hours, how good can it get?

End of randomness...

And yea, probably today was a rather inter-resting day for me. Went out with my mum for lunch, what more could I ask for. I love my mum. :)

As I look at the world around me and start thinking, something came to my mind. Sometimes have we ever wondered that the best advisors in our lives actually might be living in the same household as us? Yea, my mum knows a lot about relationships and cooking she could probably write her own book and earn some extra cash. My dad? He's crazy when it comes to politics and yea, he could be the next government if he actually wanted to. And I just love the both of them, my mum has such strong discernment that I don't even have to say certain things she just know it straight away. My dad? Good for nothing. HAHA. No, he's the best mentor I ever had for moral education. Oh and the guy in the mirror is the best counselor I ever got, even though he looks creepily like me, but yea, he's good, in my opinion.

Being a salt and light in my family made a huge difference to me. I never knew certain things about my parents. Maybe you people should try it too?

And my best friend so far is Jesus, and the bible too. So, read more about the word, it will help you in the long run. What are you waiting for? Get your bible today! Terms and condition apply, batteries not included.

Do your daddy in heaven proud. :)

When two are one

2008-09-28T16:18:00.003+08:00

"Enough? There can never be enough! Nothing can satisfy this insatiable hunger of mine! Nothing you hear that? Nothing!"

"Yes I know what you mean. But, take things easily my dear, let things come to past one at a time. There's no point in rushing your own destruction. Trust my friend, you need more faith."

"I take it as you say I need more time. Fine. I'll try."

"I'm glad you came to your senses before you do something to yourself. Something you'll regret later. You're smart, we all know that. But you gotta learn to control your emotions! They belong to you! In time to come, things that will be yours will surely be yours."

"Interesting... Your words ring loudly in my head. These words, you told me them before. But now they ring even louder than before. Why must it happen now? Why can't I just..."

"You see, let's just call it, part of growing up... Patience my dear. I'll always be here to talk to you if ever you need me. We'll give you all the time you need to overcome this."

"How long is this ever going to take."

"It is never about the time my dear friend. But it's all about your heart attitude. Perhaps you should do some soul searching. Find back that burning desire you once had to destroy all the negativity in you. You can do it!"

"Negativity... Such vulgarity to me. Strange, why have I lost that ability to fight?"

"Because you gave in to your emotions. Enough said."

~Conversation between light and dark.

King in the black limousine

There is nothing left now but this empty hollow. So dark, so cloudy. Perhaps like they say, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

"I wish that I was good enough
then I'd know that I am not alone"
-In the Shadow of the Valley of Death by Marilyn Manson

2008-09-28T02:12:00.002+08:00

Ere we goes again dun it? Der's nuthin ere but da waaagh! Lookit what you did! Hurts don't it?

Best day ever. Maybe? Just maybe?

Perhaps one of the cooooolest thing that happened today was that I kinda sorted out my thoughts abit, after service. Stop dwelling like some dweller. Maybe. Nuff said.

Suffice to say that this, pathetic generation of ingrates and mongrels are nothing but a bunch of spoilt brats and demented ones.

2008-09-26T01:26:00.002+08:00

Have you ever come across a string of words, also known as a sentence, maybe a writing or someone's speech, but is uncertain of what it means, and you start to dwell on it for awhile, but cannot come up with any conclusion as to what it means.

Then in the near future you suddenly realize what it meant be it from a random incident or maybe some other party reveals to you the scenario and then you start to wonder why you haven't been paying much attention to that and you suddenly feel this feeling of loss, whatever.

Stupid me. I have no idea why you would want to dwell on what I say, but, your choice, your call, whatever. -____-"

Meh~

Move on... Okay, so, this week's been rather exciting for m I suppose. Went swimming with some of our CG members on Tuesday. Got a little bit of sunburn and muscle aches. But I delight in pain! Mwahaha... Masochistic me... Kinda reminds me of those Yuuzhan Vongs in Star Wars but never the mind. Tomorrow's CG. YES I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. It seems that time is flying by rather quickly, it only feels like awhile and now it's already coming to the end of the week. Wee~

Okay, maybe I should stop playing WAR for awhile until it gets more stable, occasional crashes are a PAIN. And this is the kind of pain I do not delight in. I love physical pain, but I don't think my laptop does... MWAHAHA. ...

Maybe, just maybe I can think of something to write in this paragraph but by the time I realize I do, it might be too late already, because your attention would have been focused on something else. Oh look, I managed to type so much so far already, and I doubt you are even reading on, but it's your choice to be stupid you know. Perhaps, just perhaps, I had already started to annoy you. Love you! EEK.

2008-09-24T01:51:00.002+08:00

It felt like a dream, and I'm stuck in that dream. Dream on my dear boy, dream on...

The dream:
In a world without sin. Just God and us, and maybe with your love. Our parents, never aging. No one will ever get hungry. Love is the only thing that bonds all of us together, instead of money.

The Dream:
Of course, something like this, how can I disclose it's secrets? One day I should be a lore keeper.

The other dream:
Stop following wherever I go you filth. Try HARDER if you want to win me back to your worthless ways. Satan is our greatest enemy. That he is, surely he is.

The random dream:
WAAGH! Caramel, milk chocolate, sugar, sweets, toffees, gum...! RAWR.

How unfortunate it would be for me to be stuck in a dream land. What is the key to reality?

Heart aches and sadness.

2008-09-23T19:53:00.002+08:00

Wow... Someone actually told me to update my blog. Okay I guess these few days I haven't been getting any inspirations from the Higher Calling. ... Whatever...

The WAR is on! Just bought this new and pretty game called Warhammer Online and yea, enjoying it while it lasts. WAAGH!

So, I guess today as I was thinking through abit, I kinda felt like there is this something in my mind that I just want to bring up. Choices. Have we heard of this word before? Doesn't it sound so eerily familiar? That's right, I'm talking about that Choice.

The more I think about it, the more I started to appreciate the things that God had placed in our lives. It's like, every single thing we do have an impact on our future. And that is the gift God had given us, freewill. He gave us choices, choices to follow Him or follow ourselves. He didn't force us into it. You can't force a relationship can you. So I got pretty random and I thought of this rather, stupid example.

Old Lady: "Young un', would you mind helping me with these bags?"
You choice:
"Sure granny, where do you need them to?" (+1 Light Side bonus)
"Get the !@$# off my @!#$$!!@# !@$# @!#@!$# Sheesh!" (+1 Dark Side bonus)

Yea, I guess that pretty sums up what I want to say. But I guess the better way of saying it would be, if you love the Lord your God, you would obey Him and do what He commands you to. OR you can just serve and love yourself. Talk about high self-esteem, oh~ the irony.

Choices, they can be good or bad. For me, too many choices = headache. So it's bad. =) Make your choices today, and make sure you don't regret in the long run with God, or walk...

~dumbstruck~

2008-09-19T05:26:00.006+08:00

Are we forgetting about what God had did in our lives? Do we keep track of the tiny tiny blessings that God had given us? Are we losing focus... or are we just being ourselves?

God has been gracious to me, as always, He gave me a wonderful family, that had parents who really care for me when times I think they do not. He gave me this wonderful community, in which I am able to study and socialize in. He gave me this wonderful life, that I am able to be of influence to people in my life. He gave me this wonderful world to live in, with all its beauty and splendour. He gave me this wonderful church, that had people who cared for me and to turn to when in need. He gave me this heart with a void, that I am able to know that, He can never be replaced.

There is no one else for me, none but Jesus.
Crucified to set me free,
Now I live to bring Him praise.

In times I hate it, God was there for me to bring me through. In times I'm sad, God was there to comfort me. In times I'm angry, God was there to listen to me. In times I'm happy, God was there to support me. In times I'm confused, God showed me the way. In times I'm lonely, God was there for me, because He said to me:

"My dear son, even if there is no one else for you... Know deep down in your heart that... Never will I leave you, nor forsake you..."

God is SO real in my life, it tears me when I denied Him in the past now that I think of it. But God gave me this thing, called, a second chance.

All my delight is in you Lord,
All of my hope,
All of my strength.

Remember brothers and sisters... In these dark times, do know that God still loves you, God still watches over you...

Sometimes, we keep going on and on, and start to forget why we even began. It all began when we knew that there is this someone who had shown us His perfect love. As I look back right now, it all happened when I heard of this man, who was put to death by his own people. Yet he died a miserable death not because he wanted to, but because out of his love for his people and also his love for his father, and when you love your father you will do what he commands you to.

"For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." [John 3:16]

Why have I only come to realize of this now at this hour... Joseph.. How can you be so forgetful...

Cheery cheery little fellow...
Why do you weep now my little fellow?
Has something terrible troubled you lately?

Or are you gonna give in to the devil...
Where is your god now my merry fellow?

2008-09-17T20:26:00.000+08:00

Yay~ my laptop is back online... Haha... Just as I had expected... BIOS was corrupted. Wonderful day I had with my sheep. Nuff said. =)

2008-09-16T16:59:00.001+08:00

Lest we forget the best of ...

The forsaken.

Tears of anguish.

2008-09-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

As I look around myself, I ask myself this question. Why is everyone falling sick lately? Here, there, everywhere, there's people who are ill. Satan has got nothing better to do, that he now has to resort to causing illness and discomfort to people? Man... I really pray that these people would recover fast, and I pray that the Lord will deliver them from these dark times and from their discomfort. And I guess I better take care of myself before I fall ill. Right now, my migraine hurts like God knows what.

Oh yea, and today was terrible, I fell down. HAHA. Now my back hurts like shit. My heels are swelling. I can't walk properly. Oh, I fell from some place rather high. Actually it isn't very high up, it's just that I missed my footing.

And so, currently I'm just doing nothing much, except listening to songs by Marilyn Manson. No matter how many times I listen to Coma White and Long Hard Road Out Of Hell, it never fails to keep my ears tingling, and my mind thinking. And it always makes me want to rock together with the song The Beautiful People.

Music, they play a big part on our lives. The catchphrase that local music store uses, gramophone, is "without music life would be a mistake". I guess I have to agree with that, however not fully though. Without music our life would be so dry and also, everyone would be using a monotonous tone and that would sound so boring. And how would we go about worshipping God I wonder... I guess we all have to be thankful that God gave us music! I'm not sure how many people out there loves music as well... =) Oh, I've uploaded new music to my blog, hope you people will enjoy it.

That bloody hands coming out of a pool of blood. The man in the mirror. The voice in my head. That unshifting gaze I feel in my room. The voice from the walls. What does all these mean?

2008-09-13T03:55:00.002+08:00

MIGRAINE!!! What's more my laptop is down, and I feel so miserable. I can't access to most of my private documents now that my lappy is down. MAN! Grr...

Terrible migraine is getting out of hand, it hurts from the back of my head to just right behind my eye. o_O Coooool~~

Terrible... tHeSiCKnEss is officially sick again, this time in the head, not literally, but, literally in the sense that it is migraine, not mental illness. Okay, maybe I think I lied on not having mental illness. =) Crazy~

It's 4 am and it hurts so bad I can't sleep. Oh wait, I haven't even tried sleeping.

2008-09-11T11:39:00.003+08:00

Anyone can give it a guess as to who this guy is?

That's right, it's President George W. Bush, back then when he's known as Lt. George of the Texas Air National Guard. COOOOOOOL. =)

Those were the good old days eh? Those were the days when dear old Bush was frequently caught for drunk driving.

2008-09-11T10:50:00.003+08:00

It's always the past painful memories that are hard to forget...

I guess I'll be away from home for tonight. Class Chalet!!!!!! Actually, it's nothing much, this holiday I've already camped in airport for twice so far already, maybe a third time when Kar Chun comes back. Surprisingly enough, these two times were actually thought provoking... I hope I don't have to think so much when Kar Chun comes back.

FEAR.

2008-09-10T23:44:00.003+08:00

I went to God just to see,
and I was looking at me.

~Lyrics from The Reflecting God by Marilyn Manson.

Perhaps, the issue was more on self-centered-ness. Perhaps, we've been thinking too much on ourselves, our benefits perhaps? Or was it the fear of challenges. It is important how we look at ourselves in the mirror.

Or maybe the truth is... We're all living two lives? Two different personalities?

2008-09-09T17:45:00.003+08:00

There comes a time when a man will have to decide to choose between the things he value the most. The sacrifice.

What are you willing to sacrifice for God. Or maybe... You would rather give God up for worldly desires instead.

Brothers and sisters, stay firm in the Lord, your God. If you give up something for God, be it even your own identity, God definitely will bless you back in time to come, He never short changes us.

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your strength."
[Deuteronomy 6:5]

2008-09-09T01:31:00.002+08:00

Keep smiling and treat it as if nothing has gone wrong. =)

Nope, nothing has gone wrong. =)

Deception.

And then they say, to hell with you.

=)

A storm is coming...

2008-09-08T02:42:00.002+08:00

I really love you, yes I do.
In fact, I love you so so much that only God knows how much is it really.
Every time I am with you, my heartbeat accelerates and I wonder, how long will I get to be with you this time round.
And I wonder, when's the next time going to be?
I only wish I could spend more time with you.
But it seems, that I am stopping myself most of the time.
People have been encouraging me, and some discouraged me.
But I really want to be with you more.
But yet, it seems my life is in the way.
Together we can do so much more for God, and to really bring music to the people.
Whenever I see you, all my troubles are gone.
Even though you never talked to me, but I still love you.

If only you could talk back to me. I love you, my guitar. And I'm going to take you out to change your strings soon, you're getting really old aren't you. I promise to be more faithful to you.

Man, I'm going crazy. Hope I didn't stumble anyone. =)

Oh gosh~ I'm fantasizing about my guitar. Guitar~! I think I go practice abit, I feel tad sorry for my neighbours, especially my parents.

Or maybe...

2008-09-07T23:59:00.001+08:00

What a day...

Just returned home from Jing Wei's house. Jing Wei, Jason and me were having a LAN (don't think otherwise) party at Jing Wei's house. And boy oh boy, was it fun. What a day... but sadly, it was not the thing I was looking out for. I feel so empty right now. It's like, a whole day of fun and games was not enough, I needed something, something stronger and something that is eternal. I need God. God is the ultimate 'person' we can relate with, and it feels good talking to Him. All my troubles are just like, gone... I was telling God like, God oh God, will this ever end? Must I always kill my sorrows with something else? Must I always think of some ways when your ways are better? And God said, my dear child, trust in My timing that it will be revealed to you. Okay, patience builds perseverance.

It's been too long. And yet I still feel so sad. Maybe it was my fault, my I'm not sure. Why did it even started out this way. Oh the irony~

____________________________________________________________________

Yesterday was also another brilliant day. What a wonderful sermon! It spoke to me greatly. It felt so true that, vision is what is important if someone wants to achieve something great for himself, or in our situation, for the Kingdom. And, honestly speaking, the way we perceive things really determine how we will shape our life, one that is for God, or one that is for ourselves. And the truth is, when problems arise, I guess we should always look to God.

Service was great. But...

Wish there could be more to it
God, I need your guidance!

2008-09-07T03:01:00.002+08:00

dum dee dum, dum dum dum. dew~wy dum, dum dum dum.

Wonderful sermon, hilarious preacher. Nuff said. Shall elaborate when I find the mood to. Mood swing~ =)

*Yawns*

2008-09-05T23:32:00.002+08:00

I'll show you the many wonders of this world, provided that I have the money to... Maybe, I have a suggestion, google for the pictures of the wonders of the world. Stare at them long enough and probably you'll dream of going to them. Ehh, why am I even saying this.

Ehh, I think I'm becoming more and more stupid. Maybe? Just maybe...?

Signs of boredom I guess...

These four walls surround me, and they give me hell. I can go outside, but where to? This confinement, is driving me crazy. Crazy sounds appealing. =) Ok, I'm really going mad.

GRAHHH! meow~

2008-09-03T21:04:00.003+08:00

What a lousy day.

Looking forward to Saturday.

Missing KC already... am I gay. HAHA.

... ... ...

My eyes are red and the vessels are stained because I didn't sleep for two whole days.

My back is aching because of the cold weather.

Praise the Lord. =)

2008-09-01T23:16:00.002+08:00

God knows how I am feeling right now.

I am officially $164 poorer. New haircut, new PC game, new portable hard drive. I love myself.

God knows how I feel right now.

*sigh*

I'm a confession that is waiting to be heard.

2008-08-31T01:09:00.003+08:00

"By the pricking of my thumb, something wicked this way come." ~Macbeth Act 4, Scene 1.

As I read the book of Macbeth, again, something intrigued me. It seems that certain points of my life could relate with the character of Macbeth. The above quote from the story, I did not leave it there without a reason. As I analyze my current thoughts, I could feel the clutch of Satan drawing closer, and closer.

Hide me now, under Your wings, cover me, within Your mighty hands.

It is said in the bible, that, "I can do all things through him who gives me strength" [Philippians 4:13] Therefore I believe that so long as I hold on to God, and be still, He will bring me through the storms. God is the ultimate shepherd of my life. In darkness, Jesus is the one who lights the way for me. But yet, we imperfect humans fail to realize this and tend to lean on our own understandings.

Time and time again, the Lord forgives us. Time and time again, He waits for us to call out to Him. Is having faith in the Lord so hard? Why are we doing, what we are doing?

PERFECT. There is no known human definition for the word PERFECT. We are too imperfect to understand what true perfection is. Trust in the Lord for His timing to reveal His plans and will for us. Trust in the Lord that He will deliver us from whatever testings we are going through now.

Are you willing to trust in the Lord to navigate you through the storm?

2008-08-30T16:14:00.002+08:00

Le Parkour, l'art du deplacement, my new found love. Thanks to the people for the introduction.

I'm gonna get myself some training gloves. People, don't say that I'm crazy, but yea, that's my middle name I suppose.

2008-08-28T22:55:00.003+08:00

Enough of randomness. Time to settle down. Hmm... Organizing my thoughts, yea.

Honestly, throughout these 4 days of examination, I realized that my faith had grown. I realized that, it isn't that hard after all, to really rely on God. It really is amazing as to how God works. And it really is amazing how God can actually speak to you when you really focus on Him. Sometimes, I wonder why people would say some random things, at random moments, but I realize, that we often have two ways to respond to what the person says.

One way is to, "Oh yea, thanks for the reminder.". And just leave it hanging there. The other is to, quietly thinking to oneself "Hey, that sounds interesting, is God trying to say something? I best pay attention to what he/she has got to continue.". I don't know, but these two examples aren't very good, but I guess, you should get what I mean. My point here is, listen and listen carefully, when God speaks to you, you can't miss it unless your focus is elsewhere. And it can also test whether you are a faithful listener. =)

Exams are over. So what? Holidays? So what? Each day brings us closer to Judgment. Each day draws us closer to Death. Each day is a gift that God has given us. I doubt you're getting what I'm hinting at, but basically, are you maximizing each new day for God? I hope so. =)

The time draws nigh, looking at the news right now. There are rumors of a second Cold War. The States are going in harsh on Russia, and China condemns Russia for her actions. In Bihar, India, serious flooding happened and 1.2 million people are affected.

Rapture, Judgment, end times, Second Coming... whatever you call it. It 's all coming to an end. Start maximizing your time and plan your holidays well people! The Kingdom of God is waiting!

2008-08-28T21:58:00.003+08:00

Exams are finally over. Finally I can invest some more time in my precious Jesus. And also PARKOUR. Le parkour is an art. =)

Anyways, there is something so horrible, and so scary that happened to me just now, just before I created this post! And, you can't imagine what horror it is! It is otherworldy and it is so so so scary that I'm not going to post it out!

=) sorrysugarrush. =)

2008-08-27T02:33:00.002+08:00

Feeling random right now. So I went to dictionary.com and checked the definition for my name. Here it is.

Simon Joseph

2008-08-26T01:55:00.002+08:00

Greetings and salutations.

Studying at the moment. I wish I had better things to do right now than studying! Argh... Don't we all hate studying. Anyone can relate this feeling with me? =)

Alright... I guess I'm sleeping soon, then wake up earlier to study again. 3 more days till FREEDOM. And why such a high price for this freedom... It costs us so much energy and brain cells... Well, nothing is free, not even salvation. We gonna work things out for the better! Wait, studies aren't good, studies is a little better than hell but still bad.

What am I saying. Oh~, the irony.

2008-08-24T23:14:00.006+08:00

Currently in pain. Due to the fact that I WAS BORN WITH DEFORMED RIBS. Chest hurts like mad now. Ouch. God I need you.

Negativity uprising. Sometimes I wonder whether it is just me or is it something else. Then I was reminded of this suddenly.

"There's no art/ To find the mind's construction in the face" - King Duncan, Macbeth Act One Scene 4

What the above is saying is basically, there is no way we can discover what someone really is thinking about just by looking at the expression of the face. You might disagree with me, saying, then what's the use of discernment? But the thing is, if you hardly know the person well enough, how would you know what the person is going through? Or maybe, the person just does not want to tell you of his or her problems, then how are you going to find out?

Now, just when I thought I was dwelling on all these negativity, I realize that it isn't me, it is the people around me. I can't stop worrying for the people around me. Sometimes, often times, I just wish they could tell me their troubles, or at least let me know they're fine, white lie, but, at least it lets me know that you people are still in the right state of mind to deal with the problem.

As I was doing my quiet time just now, I came upon Moses' cry out to the Lord, and I was amazed by how his feelings actually could relate to mine. Numbers 11:10-15. This is my cry out to the Lord. I wish He could speak to me in person and tell me how to go about helping these people out. But nevertheless, what Saturday's sermon taught was that when we pray, God work things out for us. Gonna cling onto that for awhile.

When a person smiles, is it a white lie?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 people I'm currently worried about.
You seem to be troubled. But I don't know.

Still not getting any... Am I doing enough?

Cheery cheery little fellow...
Why do you weep now my little fellow?
Has something terrible troubled you lately?

Or are you gonna give in to the devil...
Where is your god now my merry fellow?

2008-08-24T20:09:00.002+08:00

Gloomy day for a morbid Joseph. Perfect combination. =)

Why must I study... Cannot concentrate at home. Too much distractions coming from the walls. LOL. A hint of randomness. Closed down my other blog so I can avoid talking to myself. HAHA. Truth hurts. =( *hint hint* =)

Haha. Time for revision. Gloomy day for a random, morbid Joseph. =)

The sweet taste of victory, and the deep, pleasing resonating voice of truth. *hint hint* =) BORED

Distraction, not wise, focus on God better. Music, pleasing. Worship + praise, excellent. Maybe I go do my quiet time now. YAY JESUS HERE I COME!

2008-08-24T05:35:00.002+08:00

Sleepless night. Reason: Too random to sleep.

Okay... Here's a tip for everyone. No sweet stuff before bed, or you'll regret it...

Currently, I have a ton of random thoughts on my mind. Do you know what is on my mind? I'm sure you don't. Here's an easy riddle that I thought of for you people.

In my fury I blot out light
I alone, can bring farmers joy
In my glee I gaze down below
Awaiting to bring that joy once more
Clothed in material immaterial
I soar on winds that passes by

What am I?

Here's another

Littered with jewels that sparkle bright
Who would have thought there was no light?
Stretching on and on and on
Man has longed to wonder beyond

What am I?

I am still waiting for truth to reveal itself.
Perseverance builds faith.
But I cannot wait! The irony....

2008-08-24T01:40:00.002+08:00

You were there in times of joy,
You were there in times of pain.
You were always there for me,
but I always fail to look to You.
But yet Your patience never runs dry,
so is Your love that never fails.
You had always given me a second chance,
To prove myself worthy again.
Even though time again I fail,
Your grace for me comforts me through.
My Lord, You are all I need,
help me as I mature more.

2008-08-24T01:04:00.004+08:00

Heart-Shaped Glasses (When The Heart Guides The Hand) - Marilyn Manson

As I was listening to that song, something really strike me hard. This song, written and composed by Marilyn Manson, was originally meant to describe how he came to know this girl and like her. But to me, there was a different meaning. I was not really paying attention to the lyrics, but when this line came up, "Don't break, don't break my heart, or I'll break your heart-shaped glasses", I felt this funny thought rushing from my mind to my... mind. Haha. Anyways, here's what I thought.

Don't break the heart of God, that is to sin and not acknowledging Him as our personal Lord, or He will break our heart-shaped glasses. What is this heart-shaped glasses? First of all, let me explain to you what our eyes are. Our eyes are like windows, and when we see with our eyes, it tends to mislead us, but when we see through our eyes, it becomes a whole new level of experience. When we see with our eyes, we just glance at the situation, but not understanding it fully. But when we see through our eyes, we are then able to properly analyze the situation and better understand it. But what about heart-shaped glasses? When we see through our eyes from the perspective of God.

When we sin, we draw further away from God, and our spiritual eyes will be shut. And therefore we will no longer be able to fathom the situation, for we are no longer looking at the problem with the proper perspective.

Perspective. Sometimes, when we change our perspective, and look at the problem from a different angle, we can find out certain things that probably eluded us at first. Sometimes, I realize that being stubborn is bad, we should be flexible, to really be able to change our perspective from time to time. But then again, the question is... What kind of perspective should I use to look at the problem? While you're dwelling on the problem, sometimes the key to all problems is just by looking up. I mean not literally, but, really focus on God instead of the problem. God is always bigger than our problems.

Problems are temporal as compared to the eternity God gives. When we choose to magnify on the problem, it will bring about the destruction of ourselves, when we magnify God, things start to change, for the better. And remember, God's timing is always best, trust in His timing that He will reveal His answers to us.

Breakthrough in my life! Thanks to all those people around me. Being yourself is kinda nice. =)

It's amazing how God speaks to us sometimes, through music... people... and His Word.

2008-08-22T01:48:00.002+08:00

Don't know why I made that previous post, but yea. Time to wake up, change my perspectives, and focus on God.

2008-08-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

~Identity~

As he sat down there, contemplating over his past actions, a pang of loneliness struck him hard. There was an overwhelming sense of sadness and isolation. He had never felt so lost before. He began to wonder, just how long had he been wearing this damn mask?

It had cost him his time, precious time that can never be gained back. Regret. He wonders to himself, what is the root problem, what had caused him to warp into someone he could barely recognize anymore.

Anger. No, he's not going to allow himself to succumb to hate. Hate was all he knew in the past, hate had thought him how to eat, drink, sleep, breathe, hate was all he had knew. But now, he hates himself for what he is.

"Why do I feel so lost? Why can't I even think now? Why is my mind blank?", he thought to himself. He felt like he had misplaced something. Something so dear to him, in fact they say, that it is one thing that no one can afford to lose. What had he lost it to?

The journey to truth will be an extremely hard one. Acceptance. It is something that he had held so close to him. It was all that he knew now. But now, he lost hope in this.

Just when he had thought that all hope was lost, he recalled someone. This someone, had been calling out to him for so long, but yet, he could not even hear it for his lifestyle was full of noise and fury. He felt so miserable that he had actually lost focus on the one whom had loved him from the start. The only challenge left, is that, is he willing to answer this someone's calling... Or is he going to just start creating a split personality to mask his insecurities again...

Two choices. Persevere on, or give up. But he never really liked the idea of giving up, yet he fears he might.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged."
[Deuteronomy 31:8]

2008-08-21T20:35:00.003+08:00

When you wear a mask for so long, you start to forget who you really are underneath it.

Who am I really?

The inner ache of loss.

2008-08-20T23:50:00.002+08:00

100th post.

What a great day I had. Somehow or rather, I felt alive inside again. Last night, I made the decision to attune my life back with God. I decided to face all my fears and inner demons, not alone, but with God, instead of running away from them. And, as we all know, sound travels 4 times faster through water, therefore I decided to go swimming, God's voice can reach me faster that way.

Perhaps sometimes all we need is to really slow down, and let God speak to us, for in quietness is when God can really speak into our hearts, and show us the areas that we need to change in.

Here's my learning points from my short date with Jesus.

Jesus can identify with us.
-God did the opposite, He sent Jesus to us instead of us going to Him.
-He came to us first.
-Jesus could have chosen to be born as a king.

Acceptance and rejection has shaped our soul
-But God accepted you, while you are still a sinner, God has already decided to win our hearts, not even thinking of making a point.

Becareful whose voice you are listening to
-Learn not to succumb to threatening circumstances.
-We must be focused in fulfilling God's purpose.

Synchronize you life with God
-God called you to worship Him, not the people.
-Attune to God's instructions, not Man's.

Anchor you life in someone greater
-Anchor your life in God's missions, not your own plans.
-Everything else will change, but God will not.
-Hold on to His vision, we will prove Himself to be faithful too.

Wherever we are, we must remember that God is in charge. Everything happens for a purpose as God is in control.

Troubles are nothing compared to the glory of God.

Troubles are temporal compared to the eternity God gives.

God will never give us something, that will make us love Him less.

Suffering is a reality God put us into, so that we will grow closer to Him when we pull through.

Those who lose focus on God will result in losing the strength to pull through crisis.

Be patient to go through troubles or trials.

Oh yea, just in case you're wondering, I didn't come up with these, after swimming, I was reading up on my sermon notes, and therefore these points had an impact on me, that explains why I put them up. And I encourage you people to go through sermon notes as well, you copy them down for a reason you know, not just to leave them there to turn yellow. But these are God's words, if you can read the bible, all the more you should refer to the sermon notes, they can help you understand God's words much better.

My God is a jealous God, but so what? I still love Him. My Lord was a carpenter, but He was willing to die on the cross for my sins. Never will I be able to experience how heavy that cross was on His shoulders. God loves us, our heavenly Father loves us, when we start knowing how much He actually loves us, it's easier for us to love Him back. And remember, God is never fair, for He is just.

2008-08-19T23:59:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, often times, I can't believe what I just said. But yet, these are signs that I'm losing control of my own mind already. It seems like I'm already giving in to my own emotions and thoughts. It's time to be in control, no, it's time for God to be in control.

The instability of the unsound mind...

Two voices, its almost as if I can hear two voices...

2008-08-19T22:53:00.003+08:00

The manifestation of thoughts, the fate of an imbecile.

Tone: Anger, sadness
Feelings: Disappointment, dejection.

In times like these, why do I feel so terrible? I feel that God is no longer there for me, it feels terrible... Why can't I say that word? I've got an amen stuck at my throat, that fate I prayed will not come to me as it was for Macbeth.

Perhaps this is one of my better days. Breakthrough in thoughts, or maybe it is just a figment of my imagination again. Strange, I don't feel so happy about this breakthrough. Here comes the pang of anguish. So what? So what? Is there anyone who knows what I'm doing, other than God? Surprisingly, NO.

Love it, hate it, no one knows, no one bothers. So here I am right now, sitting right in front of my miserable laptop, with thoughts swarming my mind, typing out this post. When was anyone serious when Joseph says something. When was the last time people would actually stop what they are doing, and take a moment to listen to what Joseph has to say. When was the last time people gave Joseph undivided attention. Now I know how God feels. Disappointment? Expected. Rejection? Expected. Imperfection? Hell yes.

Never will He leave me, nor forsake me. Times like these, there is no man to help you but God. Penny for the guy, sympathize with him, no, no one will, no one will understand. One step closer to insanity. All that's left is doubts, questions, uncertainty, anguish, remorse and tears. Tears of sadness? No, tears of realization. That the time draws nigh for a wake up call. Behold, the coming of different Joseph. For it is said that "therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." There will be no more time to waste.

Emotions, they belong to you. Thoughts, they belong to you. So why the hell are you giving in!

Life is a tragedy, a story told by a fool. All chatter and fury, but without a purpose. Life is like a candle, so bright at the start, but becomes lifeless towards the end, tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow.

God, I pray that I will continue to rely on you for sustenance. Lord, guide me to become more of you. Lord, help me endure these tough times, help me to grow even more and to be wiser by the day. Deliver me, from sin, temptation and ill desires. Only You know how I feel right now. Amen.

Coughing out blood.

2008-08-18T22:25:00.002+08:00

What a tiring day! Well, woke up late this morning, around 10:48 am, by Gabriel's message. We were supposed to meet in school at 11 am to study together! Anyways, by the time I reached school, was around 11:42 am already... But, Gabriel wasn't very disappointed in me being late, so I guess that's about it.

Studied today in the school's library. Then around 1:3o pm, we went for lunch, the six of us actually, Gabriel, Aaron, Andy, Syukri, Keith and me. We actually wanted to go out of school for lunch, but thanks to the rain, we decided to go Business canteen instead. And so... after lunch, we went back to study, in the library of course! Okay, thanks to a day of studying, my migraine is officially back. Haha! Well, not just study of course, I guess once again I've been thinking too much. And yep, guess what I'm gonna say next.

tHeSiCKnEss is officially sick again, unfortunately.

Okay... After studying till around 5 pm, we Gabriel decided that we should go check out Downtown East. Gabriel and I are the event hosts of our class chalet, therefore we decided to check out the prices. Hmm, so after checking out the prices, we decided to have dinner at Downtown East, oh, we went E!Hub for Pastamania! Splendid dinner. After dinner we went to the arcade, I never really fancied places like these though... But, I'll just tag along if I have to. Errhmm... AARON YOU FREAK! YOU KNOW DRUMMING BUT YET YOU DON'T TELL US, WE WANT TO LEARN DRUMMING TOO! And also, Aaron, you're so good at arcade games, you play Drum Mania like no one's business, if you go there everyday, you'll spoil the drum you jerk. And I guess, it's time to head home...

Migraine... Gonna hurt for awhile... Oww...

Though the time was short, I'll still cherish it I guess.

2008-08-17T23:59:00.002+08:00

What is it.

A man does not wear a mask.

What is it.

A man does not act in cowardice.

What is it.

A man should face the Lord his God in complete humility, denying himself and to face the Lord in full nakedness and truth. A man should be true to what he says to his Lord. A man should come into the presence in full repentance for what he has done. For we are all sinful by nature, and what makes you think we deserve the love of God?

And yet, God sent his one and only son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for us. For our sins. And all our sins, guilt and shame went down into the grave when Jesus died. And we were given a fresh new start when Jesus came back to life three days later.

If it was not for Jesus, man still have to bring offerings to seek atonement of sins. Jesus was the ultimate offering of sacrifice.

Remember, that Jesus died for us.

2008-08-17T17:39:00.002+08:00

Vi Veri Veniversum Vivus Vici. By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe. ~Faust

Okay, for the past two days, I haven't really been able to blog as I couldn't find time. The kingdom of God comes first! Today is a Sunday! And, by far, today is the only Sunday that I do not have to go out. It's been a few weeks since I can really rest on a Sunday. But, now that I think of it, I rather be doing something than nothing, that is, I feel super bored. Oh, the irony...

And so, on Friday morning, I went out with my class to watch Money No Enough 2. And on Saturday morning, I went out with my caregroup to watch Money No Enough 2. Okay, so, I watched it TWICE. You must be wondering, is it that good to deserve being watched twice? I tell you, neither is it good, nor is it bad. Why did I watch it twice then? Reason, simple, if I can do something together with a group of friends, and that could bring joy to them, because of my presence whatsoever, I wouldn't mind doing it more than once. Yesh, I value friendship.

What do I think of the movie then? Great acting with a rather stupid plot, with the exception of the old lady passing away. I mean, to me, the old lady is like the center of the plot. Well, as I was watching the movie, it constantly reminded me of how I treated my mum last time, well, I didn't treat her in a fairly good way. And that's why my conscience was there to bug me. Did the movie move me to tears? I leave it to you to decide.

The humor of the film? It made me giggle once or twice that's all. I mean, what do you expect from Singapore humor? Nuff said. Well overall, I think the movie is rather worth watching, though, if I were to choose between Journey to the centre of the Earth and Money No Enough 2, I would choose the first.

Learning points? Okay, nothing much here to be mentioned, but I must say that thank God that my mum is still alive and I have changed to be more filial. At least I won't have to start regretting only when she dies. Yep, here's a message to you people, cherish your family members now, God placed them in your life for a reason. Nothing happens without a purpose. Be a salt and light in your family, and if you do, family salvation can be nearer than you think.

Yesterday was ESS. Well what can I say? The storyline for the play was rather, bad, but I don't expect much! It isn't easy coming up with a plot you know, and well, they did the best they could. After service, part of the transfers group and I went to Bedok 85 to have supper, as well as a rather small celebration for Geck Ting's birthday. God bless this bunch of people. And for now, I'll just rot at home.

2008-08-14T22:38:00.003+08:00

Surprise, surprise. Life is full of surprises. And don't we just love them...

Life is a mystery, and the mystery is you, it has always been you, you are a mystery to everyone else around you. No one knows you better than you know yourself, or do you... God knows us best, and God has always been there for us.

"Taming your private thoughts". If it was not for this book, I have no certainty of what would have become of me, something terrible, something undeniable. Imagine this with me, Joseph, as the tool of Satan. That sounds catchy doesn't it...? Nope, there is no way I'm going to make myself into something like this.

Surprises, just when you THINK you're okay, the PAST comes back to haunt you like never before. Fear of the past. It haunts. It condemns you, it jeers at you, it demoralizes you.

Time for me to rely on God for more strength.

2008-08-14T00:35:00.004+08:00

Trust. If you can't even trust someone so perfect in all His ways, what makes you think you can trust others, whom are imperfect in all their ways, and whose ways leads to nowhere near salvation.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;"
[Proverbs 3:5]

God's timing and ours are seriously polar opposites apart. But, our timing is always wrong while His is always perfect, and His plans for us is always the best. But, honestly, it really isn't easy trusting God, but I believe I'll grow in this area.

I realize I rely on my own understanding too much, and I guess things haven't been working out right for me. I need more faith in God too.

And who actually said that Christian walk is like a bed of roses. It's more of a struggle with yourself. You can overcome all things through God who strengthens you, but ultimately it is your choice to overcome yourself.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me."
[Matthew 16:24]

More of God and less of me, trusting in His timing and not doubting His will in my life. This will serve as a reminder to me.

Ow... My brain hurts from all these thinking... I don't feel so good... Graah...

2008-08-14T00:16:00.002+08:00

Chanced upon this video on GodTube. Man, this guy plays guitar rather well and his opening statement was rather true. While the world preaches wealth, success, priority in people's eyes, what God wants us to do is to save souls. Enjoy this video.

2008-08-12T23:37:00.002+08:00

My previous post was my 90th post. Haha, random.

((((((-(-_(-_-)_-)-))))))
tHeSiCKnEss
We're watching you...

Okay, so, today is a fascinating day. Spent nearly the whole day with Newell. Hey bro, just in case you're still wondering, yea, I'm still thinking whether we are spiritual buddies or not, but I believe 70% that we are. Haha!

Newell, a serious contemplative individual, logical thinker, loving and merciful brother, a child of God and an apologist. Never have I found someone who understands me more than I do, never have I thought I would find someone I would be able to relate so well with, never would I have thought that there is someone who thinks that much, probably much more than me. NEVER HAVE I FOUND SOMEONE SO PRECISE IN HIS THOUGHTS, THAT CLEARLY OUT RIVALS THE WAY I THINK.

To be honest with you readers, and to Newell, if you happened to read this post, I envy the way you think in the past. I always start to think to myself, why is it that you can come up with such logical solutions to problems, but yet my own thoughts are irrelevant. And I always think this to myself, why are you so much more knowledgeable than me.

And from time to time, you tell me that I shouldn't compare myself with you. I guess you're right, who am I to compare myself with you? God has created us differently, and thank God for that! I seriously won't want to contemplate as much as you, I prefer the randomness of my own mind, =) Hey bro, thank God for you man! Thanks for constantly affirming me that everyone's different and unique, thanks for always being there to talk to me when I need to talk to someone, thanks for all the solutions you have given to me! If we work together, we probably can come up with some of the craziest ideas! HAHA!

Errhmm, also something else happened today, haha even though it might seem insignificant to others, it was enough for me!